


In your head

by Hopefully_not_a_shitty_ballerina



Series: Depression Drabbles [8]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Relapsing, Self-Harm, Tyler works at tacobell, send help, sexual self harm, these are actually people i work with
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21676354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopefully_not_a_shitty_ballerina/pseuds/Hopefully_not_a_shitty_ballerina
Summary: “You O.K. Bro?” Nelson asked, he slammed the window shut and grabbed for the bag of food ready to be delivered, “Do you need some… resuscitation? Is that how you say it? resusitate?”Dom stuck his head over the midstation and shot nelson a look.“You alright Tyler?” Tyler pointed to the headset and continued to cough.“Can’t…. talk.” he moved away from the station and put his hands over his head, trying to open up his airways so he could breathe. This was harder, living with his own pain and it intruding in his everyday life. It was harder still, to explain it away to other people so that they didn’t worry. Dom clapped him on the back before moving past him to take over the order taker. Tears in his eyes, Tyler finally began to breathe again, as he took his first shaky breath. “Fuck….”“What surprised you?” heather asked, she made duck noises at Nelson before turning back to Tyler with a half grin on her face. “it’s like you saw…” She put her hands up as if framing a picture, “Naked… I don’t know naked grandma and were immediately disturbed by it.”
Series: Depression Drabbles [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/958326
Kudos: 6





	In your head

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally a drabble i wrote on the way home from work. It's not complete, and i dobt it ever will be completed. just.... based on an actual encounter I had at work

Tyler was used to work by now, used to the hum of the soda machine, and the bustle of people coming in and out, sometimes yelling, most times quiet. What he wasn’t used to was being happy, or at least relatively happy. See, the thing is, depression is a bigger bitch than karma. Amid his smiles and happy flapping, a deep depression had rooted itself close to Tyler’s brain, and there it stayed. Sometimes it was easier to deal with than others. Sometimes Tyler wanted nothing more than to carve up his arm in clean little lines and deal with the mesh of filleted flesh afterwards as a kind of party favor. Other times, he wanted affection, to be held and to hold someone so close that it warmed him to his very toes. And other times still, he wanted ice-cream. Take a wild guess at which want usually got fulfilled on a regular basis. 

It was a regular day at work. A regular day in the life of a taco bell worker, josh was off, and Tyler worked drive thru with Nelson O, the funny one with questionable English. Nelson was rattling some joke off, trying to get Tyler to laugh hard enough to snort, (again), when a little voice in Tyler’s head spoke. Now, the voice had been quiet as of late, allowing him peace and quiet. Tyler’s therapist had chalked this up to his new meds working as they should. 

“We need to cut. Can’t you imagine working with the fresh cuts on your arm, painful and there?” Tyler sucked in a breath so harshly he started hacking up the cold winter air all over the mic. Quickly, he switched it off and struggled to regain his breath. 

“You O.K. Bro?” Nelson asked, he slammed the window shut and grabbed for the bag of food ready to be delivered, “Do you need some… resuscitation? Is that how you say it? resusitate?”

Dom stuck his head over the midstation and shot nelson a look.

“You alright Tyler?” Tyler pointed to the headset and continued to cough.

“Can’t…. talk.” he moved away from the station and put his hands over his head, trying to open up his airways so he could breathe. This was harder, living with his own pain and it intruding in his everyday life. It was harder still, to explain it away to other people so that they didn’t worry. Dom clapped him on the back before moving past him to take over the order taker. Tears in his eyes, Tyler finally began to breathe again, as he took his first shaky breath. “Fuck….”

“What surprised you?” heather asked, she made duck noises at Nelson before turning back to Tyler with a half grin on her face. “it’s like you saw…” She put her hands up as if framing a picture, “Naked… I don’t know naked grandma and were immediately disturbed by it.”

“Naked grandma?” Nelson laughed,

“No nothing like that,” Tyler wheezed. “Just…… saw a spider on the drink machine.” Can’t think of a better lie? Really? 

“Right,” Dom said after glancing at the machine, “Totally didn’t just imagine naked Grandma or something.” Tyler shook his head but smiled. The thoughts still ebbing away at his mind angrily. He’d been clean for three months, and they hadn’t been an easy three months either. He couldn’t….. touch himself without self harming, so that left him frustrated on so many levels. 

Don’t you want to self-harm? You know it will feel good. Remember that burn we got a week ago? Remember how good that felt?

Tyler pushed down his destructive thoughts and tried to get on with the rest of his day peacefully, he took the jokes made at his expense in stride, smiling along with them and trying to divert attention away from his little coughing trip. By the time Tyler got off he was a strung out mess. His brain told him to stick his hand in the fryer, just to see what it would feel like. But he didn’t, of course, because what kind of idiot sticks their hand in the fryer?

His walk home was anything but peaceful. He stressed about what his thoughts could mean, and what that would mean for him. Did he need to go back to the mental hospital? Did he have to tell his therapist about this?


End file.
